Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
Directed by: Nicholas Webster
Starring: John Call, Leonard Hicks and Vincent Beck
- Blast off for Mars... with Santa and a pair of Earth kids! Blast off for Mars... with Santa and a pair of Earth kids! Science-Fun-Fiction at its height!
- Santa Claus saves Christmas for the Children of the World!
- Santa Kidnapped by the Martians! Out-of-this-world fun 'n' action...as two Earth Kids are whisked away with him to Mars!
- SEE: The Martians Kidnap Santa! Santa's North Pole Workshop! The Fantastic Martian Toy Factory! Earth Kids Meeting with Martian Kids! Space-ship Journey from Earth to Mars! Santa Turn Mars-Robot Into a Mechanical Toy!
- Blast off for Mars... with Santa and a pair of Earth kids!
- Santa Brings Christmas Fun to Mars!
- "Billy: You'll never get away with this, you Martian! "
- "Kimar: Dropo, you are the laziest man on Mars. Why are you sleeping during working hours?
Dropo: I wasn't sleeping, chief. It's just that I haven't been able to sleep these last few months. I forgot how. So I was just practicing."
- "Betty: What are those funny things sticking out of your head?
Rigna: Those are our antennae.
Betty: Are you a television set?"
- "Kimar: How are you feeling today? Tired?
Santa Claus: Oh, no, I'm not tired. But my finger is."
- "Santa Claus: Oh me, oh my, oh me!"
- "Santa Claus: No siree! We're going out the good ol' fashioned way. Prancer and Dancer and Donder and Blitzen, and Vixen and Nixon... oh, consarnit I get those names mixed up, but the KIDS know their names."
- "Andy Henderson: What is this strange looking creature over here?
Santa Claus: Oh, Winky made that. That's his idea of a Martian.
Andy Henderson: A Martian? Wow-wee-wow! I'd hate to meet a creature like that on a dark night."
- "[Voldar doesn't think it's worth the trouble to kidnap Santa Claus and fly him to Mars]
Voldar: All this trouble over a fat little man in a red suit!"
- "Kimar: Santa, you will never return to Earth, you belong to Mars now.
Santa Claus: Ho Ho, Hooo..."
- "Rigna: Chochem is eight hundred years old, you can't dismiss the wisdom of centuries.
Voldar: I can."
- "Santa Claus: Ho ho, we meet again, eh?"
- "Kimar: Chochem! Chochem! Are you here? Ancient one of Mars, I call upon you."
- "Hargo: What's soft and round and you put it on a stick and you toast it in a fire, and it's green?
Kimar: I don't know what?
Hargo: A Martian mellow."
- "TV News Announcer: [News report after Santas disappearance] And Mrs. Claus has positively identified the kidnappers as Martians."
- "Santa Claus: Well, when Voldar "accidentally" left us in the airlock and then came up here and "accidentally" threw the door switch, we knew we had to get out of there in a hurry or that would be the end of us. Eh, uh, "accidentally," of course."
- "TV News Announcer: Here's another UFO Bulletin: The Defense Department has just announced that the unidentified flying object suddenly disappeared from our radar screen. They believe the object has either dissintegrated in space, or it may be a space ship from another planet which has the ability to nullify all radar beams."
- "Voldar: If we take them with us to Mars, Santa's disappearance will remain a mystery. No one on Earth will ever know that Santa Claus was kidnapped by Martians."
What can I say? Where to start?...
I have known of this film for quite some while now, seen the trailer and some clips here and there. My original plan was to watch this so that it would be on my blog on christmas eve, but due to some preparations etc, I didn't find the time.
This 1964 film is one of the worst movies ever made. The plot is pretty simple, martians, upset that their children have become obsessed with TV shows from Earth which extol the virtues of Santa Claus, start an expedition to Earth to kidnap the one and only Santa. While on Earth, they kidnap two lively children that lead the group of Martians to the North Pole and Santa. The Martians then take Santa and the two children back to Mars with them. Voldar, a particularly grumpy Martian, attempts to do away with the children and Santa before they get to Mars, but their leader Lomas stops him. When they arrive on Mars, Santa, with the help of the two Earth children and a rather simple-minded Martian lackey, overcomes the Martians by bringing fun, happiness and Christmas cheer to the children of Mars.
This film is so weird in everything, and it is a trip so funny you don't need to get high or drunk...
I give this film 10/10 pukes. B-movie collectors. Get this shit... NOW!!!
This film has been named one of the worst films ever and a remake has been rumored since 2000 with David Zucker as producer and Jim Carrey attached to play Dropo, though it is currently believed to be in development hell (meaning the project is "frozen" for now).
What I also found pretty funny was that in 1993 a theatrical production of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, the Musical premiered at the Factory Theatre in Chicago, adapted and directed by Sean Abley. In 2006 a second theatrical production premiered at the Maverick Theater in Fullerton, California, this version was adapted by Brian Newell and Nick McGee. The Maverick's production has become a comedic success, a local tradition and performed every holiday season there since 2006.
- The Martian guns are actually painted Whammo Air Blasters.
- This was Pia Zadora's debut. (Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Impact)
- Most of the film was shot in an abandoned aircraft hangar on Long Island, New York.
Was made "popular" following its critique on the program Mystery Science Theater 3000.
- This film is listed among The 100 Most Amusingly Bad Movies Ever Made in Golden Raspberry Award founder John Wilson's book THE OFFICIAL RAZZIE® MOVIE GUIDE.
- One of the films included in "The Fifty Worst Films of All Time (and how they got that way)" by Harry Medved and Randy Lowell.
- When Santa starts making toys, one of the Martians is fascinated by a toy that's "a coiled spring that walks down stairs." The year this film was released (1964) was a huge year for Slinky, which had a resurgence in the early 1960s.
- Most of the cast came from Broadway shows of the time.
- A single issue comic book adaptation of the film was published by Dell Comics.
- Brazilian comedy group Hermes & Renato spoofed the film in their MTV program Tela Class, redubbing it as "Santa Claus e o pozinho mágico" (Santa Claus and the Magic Powder; "magic powder" being more loosely translated here as "angel dust"). In this version, Santa is a drug dealer.
- Though the KIDTV reporter is introduced by the Anchorman as "Andy Henderson", Santa refers to him as "Andy Anderson".
- One of the newspaper headlines after the abduction sequence says that Santa has been "Kidnaped".
- In the beginning credits, instead of costume designer, it says "custume designer".
- When Stobo looks in on the toy fight, the popping sounds and flying projectiles suddenly cease (film was stopped to put the ball in his mouth).
- The bear costume's head piece can clearly be seen draped over the body.
- In the Polar Bear sequence where the costume is clearly a bear-rug draped over someone's body the back legs are the same way a man's are when crawling with his knees on the ground and shins to feet level with the floor.
- Most of the newspapers that flash by say nothing about Santa being kidnapped. Some are merely foreign language papers.
Full Lenght Feature Film: